Declares State of Emergency Over Eclipse-Crazed Tourists Niagara Falls, Ontario – Niagara Region has declared a state of emergency for Monday April 8th, 2024. But fear not everyone! This existential threat isn’t an alien invasion or a rogue double-sun situation. No, the culprit for this drastic measure? A measly little solar eclipse. Apparently, the moon […]
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Offering Homeless People Jobs as “Professional Beggars” Windsor, Ontario -In a groundbreaking move that has raised a few eyebrows, Windsor City Councilor Fred Francis has unveiled a plan to tackle the city’s homelessness crisis. His solution? Embracing the age-old adage of “pulling oneself up by the bootstraps” by offering homeless individuals the opportunity to become […]
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Summit with the Flock Coming to Windsor! In a move that has raised eyebrows and feathers alike, Windsor City Councilor Kieran McKenzie has proposed an unconventional solution to the city’s persistent Canada geese problem: a summit with the geese themselves. Faced with mounting complaints from residents about the increasing presence of Canada geese in public […]
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Funding Arts with Spare Change from City Couch Cushions In a move that has left Windsor residents wondering if they’ve entered an alternate universe where priorities are made of Play-Doh, Mayor Drew Dilkens proudly announced the city’s allocation of a whopping $59,000 in arts and culture grants. The decision comes hot on the heels of […]
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Throwing Money at the Housing Crisis (From a Very Safe Distance) Ottawa – Canadians facing eviction notices the size of pizza boxes can breathe a sigh of relief! The Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation (CMHC), in a move as bold as it is confusing, has announced a new initiative to combat the housing crisis. Buckle […]
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In a stunning upset, Windsor West MPP Lisa Gretzky has been awarded the prestigious National Letter Writing Champion trophy. The award, known for recognizing excellence in the dying art of handwritten communication, comes as a surprise to many. After all, Gretzky’s attendance record in the Ontario Legislature sits at a pedestrian 69% – one might […]
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