In a stunning upset, Windsor West MPP Lisa Gretzky has been awarded the prestigious National Letter Writing Champion trophy. The award, known for recognizing excellence in the dying art of handwritten communication, comes as a surprise to many. After all, Gretzky’s attendance record in the Ontario Legislature sits at a pedestrian 69% – one might think picking up the phone or sending an email would be more efficient.
But Gretzky’s dedication to the tactile sensation of pen on paper has clearly won over the judges. Apparently, expressing concerns about labour rights or healthcare wait times through the timeless art of cursive is simply (italic font )chef’s kiss.
“We were particularly impressed by Ms. Gretzky’s commitment to colorful gel pens and liberal use of exclamation points,” shared Mildred Kensington III, chair of the National Letter Writing Committee and noted doily collector. “Her letters truly sing off the page, even if the content itself could be delivered by carrier pigeon with similar results.”
Critics, however, have questioned the efficacy of this award. “Isn’t there, you know, an actual phone number for the Premier’s office?” grumbled one political pundit, scratching their head in confusion. “And isn’t email a thing anymore, let alone taking 5 minutes to cross the floor and actually speak with a Minister?”
Undeterred, Gretzky’s supporters are lauding her victory as a return to simpler times. “There’s something about the intimacy of a handwritten letter, you know?” gushed a local resident, clutching a collection of Lisa Gretzky-themed refrigerator magnets. “It really makes you feel like your voice is being heard. Even if it’s gathering dust in a bureaucratic filing cabinet.”
Sources close to the MPP report that Ms. Gretzky is already hard at work on her next masterpiece – a heartfelt letter to the Minister of Transportation, penned in a vibrant shade of fuchsia, requesting a change to four way stop policies in Ontario.
Stay tuned for further developments in the thrilling world of handwritten advocacy.
It’s not news… but it’s relevant.
